Stalker Kind of Life
Parody of: "Simple Kind of Life" by No Doubt (G. Stefani, T. Kanal, T. Dumont, A. Young)
New lyrics by: John Holland
Author's Note: Please understand that this is dark humor. Don't get any ideas.

For a long time, I was in awe
Not only in awe, I was obsessed
I sent you a letter to get in touch
It got lost in the mail, I was depressed

And all I wanted were your personal things
It's a stalker kind of life
And all I need was a showbiz gal
An imaginary wife

I'm so insane, this is so keen
I don't know how I got so far
And though you may know, I'm watching from above
I'm hunting you down, and all in my car, oh

I'm a sick, wanted criminal
Lurking in the night
And all I wanted were your personal things
It's a stalker kind of life

If we met tomorrow for the twenty-third time
Would you recognize me again?
Would you yell and scream in fright?

I always thought I'd have a dog
Sometimes I wish I could just take
The more that I see, the more that I could get
Your Fluffy here, would make a good pet

Now all these different plans are simply too complicated to ignore
I think I'll go with the one where I sneak up
And knock you to the floor
When all I ever wanted were your personal things
It's a stalker kind of life

(Repeat last line about a jillion times)